The basic plot is that a kid named Hart Fox is trying to get into the best Ivy league college in the country, called Stutts. The catch is that they only allow one person a year from each school (or something like that) so the competition is fierce. He makes a deal with his hometown richman Mr. Darling, to pay his way through the $75,000+ yearly fee (since he's poor) but at the cost of him taking all the classes of his idiot son, Trip; who also managed to get into Stutts. He goes through many trials in his new school but not in the way that he expects; in fact, Stutts is almost the complete opposite of what he expected it to be. By allying with his new friends, he finds different ways to
From page one, I was already drawn into this boy's struggle, seeing how it's pretty relevant to what I'll have to endeavor through later on. The book plays upon the clichéd "I'm a boy and I have a girl rival: I need to beat her" with Hark competing against a girl named Doreen for the coveted acceptance letter into Stutts. In fact, I thought this was going to be the main conflict but boy was I wrong. It wasn't even 1% of the story. The curveball here is that neither of them got it. It was actually Trip, the idiot son I mentioned earlier. Now this brings up the main problem. Trip's dad is rich. Filthy rich. He bathes in it. He, along with his lineage are also complete assholes. And that's what makes this book such an entertaining one. It's got so many assholes. But I'll get back to that later.
Now you can already see what happened here. Daddy Darling probably paid off a couple folks to let his son into his alma mater (which is probably how he got in too) over the prime candidate Hart. When Hart finds out about that, he demands that he also get in, along with payed tuition. Darling accepts grudgingly but also demands that Hart take all of Trip's classes. Outgunned and outplayed (since Mr. Darling practically holds all the cards), Hart begins his journey into becoming a Stutt's freshman. What he discovers is a school completely devoid of the niceties and sophistication he thought "the best Ivy League school in America" would have. It's actually quite the opposite. He moves into Dacron house while Trip moves into his family's private suite on campus, while also managing to become part of the most foul and idiotic fraternity in existence, Comma Comma Apostrophe (,,').
Hart makes new friends in the form of Peter; a fellow intellectual who loves his wheelchair gadgetry and pranks, Ellen and Reed; The Cuckoo staff members (a failing humor paper), and Tabitha; his girlfriend who happens to be a 150 year old vampire who also happened to take the virginity of several men in history (one of whom was Mark Twain). She also wishes she could turn into a whale.
I won't give the rest of it away (since that would ruin everything) but once again; the things I liked about this book are the assholes, jerkfaces, and complete douchebags that are prevalent among the campus. While reading, I couldn't help but hearken back to the elementary school days where I first started reading Harry Potter. I saw many similarities with the magical setting (though in a different way) and it's cast of antagonistic characters (Malfoy, Snape), though in a much larger concentration. Imagine Harry Potter but with everybody except Harry and few people belonging in Slytherin. That's pretty funny.
As you can tell already, the antagonists are some of the most stupid, vile, corrupt, and downright disgusting creatures ever to walk the face of the Earth much less a college. Now how could this be appealing to the reader you ask? Although it seems like it's David (Hart) vs Goliath (Dumb and Dumber) situation, the story moves along rather quickly because as a reader with a conscience, you want to keep reading to find out if Hart wins out in the end or not. The bad guys piss you off just enough to keep on flipping the pages even if you're on the last twenty or so sheets with the hope that "This kid's going to do it. These douchebags are finally going to get theirs."
Another thing I liked about this book was the humor involved. Of course there was the occasional slur (but we're all adults now) but the unique gem in this book was the numerous little anecdotes indicated by a small number next to a key phrase and the little passage at the bottom. The jokes and stories that accompanied these portions were frighteningly witty, and at times, just had me chuckling to myself while the occasional pedestrian on the sidewalk avoided walking close to me for fear of me being insane. That hasn't happened too many times before. I also enjoyed the random humor and the completely (and sometimes downright impossible) moments of fantasy. For example, this quote will be stuck in my head (with page number memorized) forever "The feel of rain on your balls - there's nothing like it". Has anyone ever seen a wheelchair deploy a fully rotational Vulcan machine gun while going 30 miles per hour? I know I haven't. Did you also know that vampires have a global organization called the COTD?
I highly suggest this book. I suggest the hell out of it. By the power vested in me, read this god damn book with all your might. It's funny, it's modern (so no need for translating outdated jargon), and it makes sense to the demographic it's intended for (us).*
*It changed my life, I don't think I can look at colleges (or fraternities, or wheelchairs) the same way again. Best book I read this year. Evaaaarrrr.
let's get into stutts
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