Annoying Ads

We've all come across it before.  You're surfing the web, checking your email, clicking through the news, and perusing videos when all of a sudden this shit pops up.  


The Web Browser Hijacker

Look at it.  Just mouse over one tiny inconspicuous ad and this Home Depot commercial advertising a backyard grill pops up with accentuating soft muzak.  Why in God's name would I be interested in this?  I don't even have a yard.  

Sometimes, you don't even have to mouse over the goddamn thing.  It just pops up all by itself.  The first time it happened, I wasn't even sure why my mouse wasn't working.  I clicked all over the website but to no avail.  I thought I needed to replace the batteries in my mouse or something but nope.  The ad takes priority by hijacking your browser.  What a fucking attention hog. When I tried to close it, I ended up accidentally clicking the ad.  Could you blame me?  That freaking close button is as small as an ant's cigarette lighter.  

Other ads just shift everything downward.  I see a news story I'm interested in so what do I do?  I click on it.  

Just before that happens, an ad enlarges and I end up clicking on that and I end up having to wait for the damn thing to load.  

The Cock-blocker

Bullshit.  


If you don't understand how annoying this is, then here's a hypothetical scenario for you.  Imagine a vending machine.  

You go to the vending machine with the intent on purchasing Doritos (just throwing a familiar and decent brand of snack food out there).  You press D5 but before you know it, the entire row of snacks shifts down so you get what was on the upper row (C5) instead.  You reach into the machine to grab your snack and you get this.  

Bullshit.  I hate Fritos.  


Here's another example of this type of ad.  

What kind of question is this?  Is Buffalo Wild Wings an enjoyable place for dining and football?  How would I know that?  I've never been there before.  

I also notice that the companies that make these ads have conveniently (by "conveniently" I mean for the companies themselves) made the close button as small as possible.  They even go so far as to design the add in such an asinine way that it drives all attention away from the inconspicuous little x sign.  

The Chameleon

Look at this nonsense.  Where is it?  I can't close it.  Oh no.  Please, don't make me listen to how Degree Motion Sense Women's Scented Deodorant has extra strength anti-perspiration technology that works as you exercise.  Curse it all. I don't want to be institutionalized.  A whole minute must have went by before I finally found the damn x sign.  

Unbelievable.  They purposely gave their ad a needlessly "trendy", "effeminate", and "modern" design (notice the exaggerated curve in the upper right corner) in order to drive all the attention away from the x.  I know I didn't see it until after the commercial finished.  I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't have seen it either.  It's fucking camouflaged. 

Speaking of tricky design, I noticed that some ads have decided to move the close button altogether.  

The Switcharoo - Exhibit A

The Switcharoo - Exhibit B

Ok, now that crosses the line.  

Close buttons are on the right side of the screen (except for Macs because they're "sooo rebellious").  This is normal.  Ads also have close buttons on the right side of the screen.  That is also normal; thus, when some advertising designer decides to have a little fun by switching around the location of the close button, it fucking pisses me off! There is no reason to do that other than to confuse the person in general and allow extra time for the ad to be watched.  It's shady, it's contemptible, and it should be illegal. 

Edit:  On a side note, I just remembered the infamous Netflix ads from Fandango.  You would go to check a movie time and as soon you closed the window, this abomination would be the first thing that you would see on your monitor.  


 
The Flasher

Your first thought probably would have been "How did that get there?"  When I first went on Fandango, I actually thought I got a virus.  Every time I went on Fandango and closed the window, that ad would pop up like Ol' Faithful.  I double checked the website and guess who decided to show up?  

Another thing I decided to check out were those online tv channel sites (I don't have time to watch it on tv).  I came across this.  


The Dilemma

Nice.  Very nice.  Watch a long trailer now or watch a series of trailers interrupting your show.  Extended agony now or several episodes of it in smaller increments?  A bullet to the head or several stabs to the gut?  A single showing of M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender or several episodes of The Jersey Shore.  It's like "pick your poison."